Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
