i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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