where am i from again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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