I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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