Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
