12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
