That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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