Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just gift wrapped bread.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
