Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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