If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
