I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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