I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All the doctor said was why
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
