Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you would pick up someone in the library
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
