i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
