Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
