Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They took my balls.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
