Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
