i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
