Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize