Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
