you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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