i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
