areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
