The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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