I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
