Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize