How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
