did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
