I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
