So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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