Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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