I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
