I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
