Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
