if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
