The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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