did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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