Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
