She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
