OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
