she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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