Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
