How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
