I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have feelings that need drinking.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's rum buckets o'clock
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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