I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
