On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
