3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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