Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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