why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
