I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
