just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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