I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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