Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
