i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
