I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
