Kiss
Puke
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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