i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
