"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
