you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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