You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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