i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize