I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Green mimosas i think yes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
