I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
that may or may not have been my penis.
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