She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
