dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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