Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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