Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
